Concern over missile tests “unfounded” say Chinese

(Shanghai) Chinese officials are downplaying recent missile tests, saying they were aimed only at old weather satellites and did not threaten the spirit of cooperation between their country and the rest of the world. Despite protests from a slew of nations concerns remain as to military modernization and China’s intentions in space.

One top-level government official here told The Horseshoe that the missiles, which look a lot like egg rolls are in fact, only egg rolls.

“They are the same egg rolls that we send to the United States as part of the trade deficit,” said one official. “How we project them is our business.”

A recently snapped infra-red photo may reveal an assortment of North Korean missiles, which the Chinese say are only  egg rolls. Above we view a group of men condemned for drawing mustaches on Mao posters and scalping NBA tickets. Normally the men would be deported but there’s no place to send them. (Photo by Thumbellina Etchabarron)

U.S. Intelligence head, John “Half” Pint disagrees.

“We are gravely concerned about ground-based ballistic missiles that could be used against us. This latest episode is vital to our interests not to mention the debris fields it creates in space,” he warned. “however we will most likely do nothing about it since we are busy with Iran, Iraq, Somalia, North Korea and the Mexican border.”

Pint did not allude to China’s current coziness with the Philippines or the Coronavirus chaos.

In another developing story, Iran has announced that it will pursue its solar energy program despite weak-kneed United Nations’ opposition. The Trump Administration, a strong opponent of solar energy since it can not as yet be sold for profit, has demanded that Iran cease all experiments.

“You have solar…why can’t we? say Iranian officials.

More moderate voices in the U.S. suggest that we stay out of Persian affairs and let the coming rejection of the Mullahs take its normal course.

“We cannot afford to give the current leaders a common enemy and ally political factions against us,” said a newly elected Democrat, who preferred anonymity until tomorrow’s opinion polls come out.

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