Colorado to establish “Troubles Dumps”

(Denver) In a move to promote personal growth and general quality of life, the Rocky Mountain State has established the first of a projected 50 Trouble Dumps in population centers and at high risk locales.

Six initial Trouble Dumps are currently operating in test mode on the Confront Range where an advanced degree of trouble has been creeping around the mountain since bout 1975.

Experts contend that Colorado is sill the thinnest state and probably right up there is the happiest category too. This said leaders here hope to turn a progressive cheek and remain innovative when considering the well being of residents here.

“We want to stay on top and we do that by embracing cutting edge technology at every turn,” said a source in the governor’s office. “Whether the troubles of our residents are social, fiscal or even cultural, we will stand firm and respond quickly to issues that have plagued us for decades.”

The concept is really simple: Anyone who has ever been to the landfill or to a recycling center can dump their troubles without fear of judgment, observation or regression. Although bins are designated by “daily hassles”, “longterm bothers”, “lingering annoyances” or “unidentified anxieties” there are giant bins where a dumper can unload and abandon problems related to financial and political worries.

There are even bins in which to hurl unsuccessful diets, hair growing elixirs, scratched out lottery tickets, previously opened dairy products, worn out underwear, tamper-proof jigsaw puzzles, and cancelled credit cards.

“We hope to instruct the populace that while they sill encounter negative issues in their lives they have it pretty good compared to most of the planet’s population,” continued the gubernatorial source. “That’s where the tiny little trouble boxes and the unassuming designer bags on the fences are all about.”

The hitch-shedding facilities are expected to mushroom with the onset of winter season. Most will be open 8 to 3 with an early closure to insure daily mucking out of troubles thrown. The worries and tribulations will then be driven to undisclosed spots and buried with full honors attributed to any toxic waste or overwhelming personal strife.

The first Trouble Dumps to be established on the Western Slope are slated to to open by spring with state priority tags akin to highway maintenance and construction.

“Take a look at chuckholes on Interstate 70 and 25 and draw your own conclusions,” said the source. “It’s like taking a shower at the car wash.”

– Susie Compost

 

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk

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