Colorado could be out of weather by 2028

(Mack) The state of Colorado may find itself without measurable weather in less than 10 years say television climatologists and high altitude meteorologists here in the shadows of the Beehive State.

The impending disaster, ignored by most workaday residents and the thinly insulated affluent, could be on us sooner if past indications interface well with mounds of weather data reaching back before your first tooth. Although no one really understands what it might be like without any weather. Scientists can manipulate data but there is no hinge here, no connection since nothing like this has ever been recorded.

Imagine a day without sun, rain, wind or cold. What would that be like? Would darkness and light be affected? Would plants grow? Would animals continue to exist? Would the earth’s population by cut in half?

Would monster storms and climate refugees cease to exist?

“We must act now if we hope to prevent a disaster,” said Mark Oak, a weatherman who watches the whole mess from his mountain retreat in Nepal. “It may already be too late but I am not one to sit around on my hands when my world is collapsing around me.”

Meteorologists across the country blame humans for these global atrocities.

“You can blame methane gas, consumerism, ignorance, tribalism, self-worship, and go on and on, tying up the package with a black ribbon if you like, but it won’t save us,” said Oak. The only thing to do now to preserve our way of life and protect our precious genes is to hitch a ride to Mars.”

Concerned and responsible residents are urged to collect and forcibly can and conserve  unattended weather in apprehension of the day when we will be without. Some home self-generating adjustment will help but the damage has been done. It’s just one way the earth is asking us to “please leave”.

-Tommy Middlefinger

Overheard in Union Hall, West Cork, Republic of Ireland, May, 2019

Diner: “I’ll have the two pork chops, the rashers, two Clonakilty sausages, and black pudding.

Waiter: Would you like some meat with that?

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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