Colona’s Plan to Welcome Aliens Slammed by Xenophobes

Their tiny oval shapes hovering, zipping in and out of view, eager to the be the first on the ground. Astronomically diverse faces press the windows of the craft. Veteran crews awaiting the first liberty in five years, visitors from outer space living the life of a star traveler.

“The invitation to land was probably a bit premature since there are only a few aliens that we know of actually living in Colona at present,” said Sam Zonuvovitz, a liaison for the Big Bang Bible Institute, a curious think tank at odds with itself. “If a whole mob of them shows up this weekend we wouldn’t even know what to cook for lunch.”

Meanwhile in nearby Montrose it appears to be common knowledge among the chattering folk that most of Colona is of alien stock (Martian and Plutonian primarily).

“Despite the rumors, no belligerents dared approach the ancient fortress at Wildcat Creek nor have skeleton corps attempted a feared anvil and hammer motion to the north and west. Semi-flankers and irregulars were repulsed yesterday after accidentally storming Horsefly Canyon, and later pushed back into the sea of uncertainty. Other ragtag elements playfully showed their teeth but exhibited no claws, refusing numerable times to flank themselves and reinforce their fellows despite high winded urging of officers careening of Storm King and the fields of clover beyond.

“It is impossible to be flanked unless you are aware that you are being flanked,” said Zonuvovitz. “If you don’t know you are being flanked you are not really being flanked at all. Colona does not know enough about classic flanking maneuvers to be flanked. It’s that simple.”

– Gabby Haze

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk

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