Climate Change Activists Warn of Elk Sausage, Camp Beans

(Montrose) Traditional fall staples are being blamed for global warming in the Rockies this season. A severe spike in temperature, coinciding with opening day, has remained constant creating a fragile symbiotic eco-system for man and beast.

Liberals are reaching out while conservatives remain in denial on the controversial subject.

The problem allegedly stems from an ultra-protein diet, more specifically the foods eaten by hunters while they are out on the woods. The old saying Guns don’t kill people but camp chili does could never have been so profound. Digestive systems, often over-irrigated with beer and whiskey, are pressing the ozone, while the price of methane gas is on the rise.

“Elk sausage and camp beans are almost sacred in hunting camp,” said Elmer Spud, of Alamosa. “What are we supposed to eat out there? Lettuce sandwiches?”

Spud went on to say that a vegan menu was too radical in that very few, if any hunters adhere to that eating philosophy.

“In Alamosa we’ll take heat in any form that is offered,” he joked. “A little warmth is welcome no matter if it comes with a little backfire aroma.”

His sentiments were quickly echoed by sportsmen from Granby, Gunnison and Walden, three locales where autumn temperatures often resemble winter ones in most parts of the world.

The Colorado Division of Wildlife, a group accused of encouraging bands of armed men and women in the woods each autumn, was yesterday called on the carpet by rogue members of the Environmental Erection Agency. In early testimony the DOW plead not guilty to charges of complacency, bear abuse and honey laundering.

“You’ve got your solids, your liquids and your gas,” said a DOW spokesperson. “We can only be responsible for what we can see.”

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Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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