Cleanup of Nude Beaches Set For Weekend

(Blue Mesa) The annual spring cleanup of the region’s nude beaches will be held this Saturday morning. Persons wishing to participate are asked to bring lawn tools, plastic bags and a good attitude. It is projected that over 400 volunteers will be needed to do the job.

Organizers warn that the cleanup must be completed before hunting season so as to avoid losing heavy revenues from hunters and to prevent the unfortunate incidents of he past. The two distinct groups do not interface well and, in the landmark case Elmer vs Tarzan, a hunter allegedly mistook a nude bather for an elk and fired away. Fortunately he was a bad shot and the volatile episode passed peacefully.

“The kind of rough and ready nudists that visit these often frigid shores are in search of solitude, peace and a natural state of affairs,” said Syd Skynn, proprietor of Syd’s Sun Screen Ventures located at Chicken Bay. “Besides, they’re very picky about cleanliness and grooming.”

Nudists, often perceived as minimalists, still leave a footprint. In their efforts to embrace the natural life they are generally respectful and tidy. However a few beer cans and an occasional plastic bag can be poorly discarded or left behind.

Experts project that nude bathers will spend in excess of 4.3 million dollars on the Western Slope this summer which is three times more than the combined sum spent by RV enthusiasts and mushroom hunters last season.   

“We seek to keep the lid on here in thermal paradise,” said Skynn. Co-existance is the key and seasonal priorities have to be appreciated.”

Volunteers are asked to arrive by 8 am. Participants may bring brooms and buckets but not vacuum cleaners since the sand plays havoc with the workings of the otherwise functional tools and they are quickly plugged up.  Plastic bags will be provided. A light lunch will be served after the sanitization.

Nude beaches have been legal in Colorado since 1900. for a map of the nearest natural cove or bare bay stop at the local chamber of comments.

“With a little elbow grease, polish  and some disinfectant we will be ready for increased summer traffic,” added Skynn. If we all work together we’ll continue have the best nude beaches in the nation.”

-Dusty Pearl  

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk

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