Citibank Secures Sole Rights to Sunrise and Sunset

(Bismarck) Citibank Corporation has acquired the rights to sunrise and sunset it was reported by people familiar with these kinds of things. The giant financial interest reportedly has secured these curtain call times of the day, traditionally referred to as dawn and dusk, for an undisclosed sum from an unidentified broker at an unspecified location at an undetermined time.

“It’s not clear how the deal went down.,” said Marilyn Madrugada from Time Is Money, a popular local television program . “Citibank has moved to secure it’s new holdings, sending its private army into sensitive areas to insure the opening and closing of the day comes off without a hitch.

Private showings, on an invitation only basis, are expected to begin in a month.

“Citibank wants to insure stockholders that there is no favoritism at play,” said Madrugada, “and that there will soon be no squatters illegally viewing dawn and dusk.”

One Citibank executive refused to comment on growing fears that air and water might follow a similar path toward the privatization of natural resources, including natural wonders, designated planets and public lands.

Other leading financial institutions have hesitantly followed suit, bidding on early morning, noon, mid-afternoon and the hotly contested cocktail hour. What control of these daily beginnings and endings could mean is beyond the comprehension of most of us.

Wall Street brokers had already nailed down the fabled Midnight Hour, made famous by R&B great, Wilson Pickett in 2007 back before  the first Great Recession.

“The loss of astronomical sunrise and sunset twilight times tips the bucket for another intellectual dark age where knowledge and education are the enemy of money cults, military control and fundamentalism not beholden to the fruits of fact of logic.”

On the heels of these acquisitions, further documents to finalize the purchase of Western Canada are expected to be filed in North Dakota Supreme Quart on Thursday.

The action follows an attempted water grab by agents of Coca Cola and Nestle Corporations. These multinationals have begun negotiations on the privatization of the Guarani Acquifer that lies below the surface of Paraguay, parts of Brazil and Argentina and most of Uruguay, the only fiscally stable country in the region.

Conservationists are up in arms over the seizure of a natural resource that should belong to everyone.

“These greedy monsters are attempting to take our children’s water and turn it into their shit products that they sell back to us,” said a spokesperson for Eco-Mamas, a Montevideo-based legal firm. “Without water we will become thirsty slaves, subservient to a cruel-hearted system that eats its young.”

– Kashmir Horseshoe

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