China Cuts Off Chicken Feet

(San Francisco) China will suspend all exports of chicken feet until the spring it was announced this morning. Despite a seemingly cordial exchange during President Trump’s scheduled visit there, fiscal commentators fear the worst.

“He must have said or done something to piss them off,” said a news anchor at National Public Radio.

“The president got tough behind the scenes for a change and forced China to regulate trade deficits,” said a token colored analyst at FOX News. “How could he have offended them? He doesn’t even speak Chinese.”

In a tedious exchange, blending Pol Potesque social order with a menu of 16th Century Machiavellian personality disorders, China has agreed to accept 3 megatons of campaign litter from the United States if the Trump Administration will simply sit down to a formal kimchee dinner summit in Pyongyang.

The White House, which has reportedly denied already asking what dish it can bring to the talks, has promised a decision on this newest development by the weekend or maybe in 2020.

The Chinese prefer to use campaign litter, written in English, in their little ovens that churn out billions of inessential plastic objects for export.

“We only want fresh propaganda. We don’t want workers loafing around reading about Walter Mondale or Bob Dole when they are supposed to be making plastic,” said one factory supervisor through an interpreter.

-Ripple Van Winkle

Filed Under: Soft News


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