CB Planners Unveil Farm-Raised Parking Spaces

Valet condo spots in the works with county approval

(Gothic) Pedestrians and motorists seeking peace on Elk Avenue remain in the dark as to a revolutionary approach instituted by town officials today. The proposed New Age response to parking problems is perceived  as typically organic and even quasi-funky-progressive by local inhabitants, who love to make up new words but actually  constitute a small segment of drivers at high season.

The town could have opted for the mainstream, often toxic, parking units but decided to institute a blueprint that celebrates its good health and quality of life. Farm-raised parking spaces, as most of us have long realized, are not cheap, but they are more attractive, often maintenance free and the shelf life of each is outstanding.

Home grown, farm-raised organic parking spaces may soon grace the streets of Crested Butte if radical council members have their way.

The critically acclaimed, agriculturally elite, trophy parking spots are a giant step from the tainted, often grungy units now gracing most towns and cities from Miami to Moline. Plans to condo these parking places is inevitable and appears preferential to meters or those ugly parking garages that dot the urban landscape.

Crested Butte has gained national acclaim as the first community to openly sell parking spaces to residents and selected second-home owners during the lull of off-season. Leaders here feel that if other properties can achieve the condo status then so should parking spaces.

“The condo thing is an obvious next step. We spend a few more dollars now but in the end we get a better bang for the buck,” said Mayor-for-Life Jim Schmidt, who at first branded the idea as wasteful and ridiculous.

“I have come 360 on this,” he said. “I looked below the surface it was clear the farm-raised units were far more stable and certainly more in step with our local environmental concerns. Wild caught units have proven a liability in most ski towns due to related issues with bear  and other hungry intruders.

Are these the rantings of people who have lived inside a bubble for too long or are they urban answers to rural annoyances in a town too popular for its own good? Only the evening shadow knows.

-Gabby Haze

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk

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