Catholic Church Adopts Wells Fargo PR Campaign

(Rome) The Vatican is about to unleash an aggressive ad campaign intending to spit and polish its tainted image after news of further sexual abuses on young children by priests in Pennsylvania.

The public relations attempts are closely modeled on an attempted cleansing by Wells Fargo Bank, a financial institution indicted for fraud and subsequently fined $185 million by the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.

The church appears perched to embrace the bank’s struggle to regain credibility began earlier this summer with the slogan “Earning back your trust – Our Recommitment to You” which pleads guilty as charged but promises to be good in the future.

“We are reinventing ourselves,” said a spokesman for the Vatican.

Will the ad campaigns sound like this?

Wells fargo – Established 1852 AD  Reestablished 2018 – (Yes, we were crooks but forgive us and we’ll try to be honest the next go round.)

The Catholic Church: Established 1 AD  Reestablished 2018.

Wells Fargo was indicted for creating fraudulent accounts without the consent of clients. The bank could face another $1 billion in fines over fraud that forced customers to purchase unnecessary car insurance during the scam to bilk people of their money.

The Catholic Church has lost credibility due to continued sexual assaults on children and the powerless people they are in theory suppose to be helping.

Both could face further civil and criminal suits. Wells Fargo answers to few while the Church answers to no one (unless maybe all the fear-mongering about Heaven and Hell jargon is actually true).

The concept of “earning back your trust” is a relative term since many worldwide would never consider trusting known predators like these…persons of trust, no?

Wells fargo had planned a campaign including an endorsement by preachers on the payroll but they dropped the idea because lawyers feared legal action. Same with Church – only they planned to bring in the Price of Darkness himself to scare their flocks back into submission.

The bank’s new Victim Account pays back lost funds but does little to protect people’s credit rating often lowered as a result of the fraud. It looks to be another whitewash. Meanwhile the Church has done little or nothing to correct the sins a longstanding predators. Will the betrayals and cover-ups continue?

Our team will continue to work to redeem itself and salvage               the confidence of our designated flocks,” said an attorney working with both entities. “Trust may have gone out the window but in time people will forget and walk right through the front door again.”

One customer at Wells Fargo said it best: “I bank there because I like stage coaches.”

No convincing concern for victims. More sincere ad campaign might be Please excuse our sociopathic manner – We got caught but we’re trying to convince you that we are nice now.

Yes, life is good if you are on the top of the revolving egg.

These developments have left many of us wondering whether criminal deeds like these should prevent both of these institutions from doing business in the country at all.

What then is gained by dazzling the fool?

Wells Fargo has put on its dirty white hat and increased minimum wage paid to tellers and non-executive personnel.  Will the Vatican share it’s immense wealth with the poor of the planet? Most likely not.

Melvin Toolini

“I only drink to make others interesting.”  – Rahsaan Larry Kleenex

Filed Under: Soft News

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