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Trump Trumped by Bridge Society

(West Palmetto) The American Bridge Fellowship announced plans to drop the term trump from its rules book, jargon and vernacular it was disclosed following a light lunch this afternoon.

Saying the word association was hurting the game the card player’s league issued a temporary password replacement…for any reference to the noun or predicate and for the action of trumping:

Defined as…

noun

(in bridge, whist, and similar card games) a playing card of the suit chosen to rank above the others, which can win a trick where a card of a different suit has been led.

(trumps) the suit having the rank above the others in a particular hand: the ace of trumps.

(in a tarot pack) any of a special suit of 22 cards depicting symbolic and typical figures and scenes.

(also trump card) a valuable resource that may be used, especially as a surprise, in order to gain an advantage: in this month General Haig decided to play his trump card: the tank.

informal, dated a helpful or admirable person.

verb [with object]

(in bridge, whist, and similar card games) play a trump on (a card of another suit), having no cards of the suit led.

beat (someone or something) by saying or doing something better: taste trumps most if not all other factors when consumers choose food products.

PHRASAL VERBS

trump something up

invent a false accusation or excuse: they’ve trumped up charges against her.

ORIGIN

early 16th century: alteration of triumph, once used in card games in the same sense.

The move was lauded even applauded by fringe groups within the 104-card deck including the maverick legions of the American Contract Bridge League.

That powerful lobby issued a warning with regard to bad links and termination dates on such perishables as felt, plastic visors, poker chips and traditional gourmet items hinged to the competition.

“Our tedious relations with banks have been legendary for decades,” said Marvel Malaroitte, of the parent group.

“We met Mr. Trump in bankruptcy court in 2005. We had both lost our appeals and he threw a tantrum outside on the steps of the municipal building.”

Moments after the resolution angry onlookers filed into the offices of the American Bridge Fellowship bent on retribution. All they found were empty files and a sign “Gone fishing hanging on the front door.

Perhaps Eldon Tinkleholland, recognized poet laureate of card tricks, dramatized the tragedy best: “Hatless against the stark ballast of seething clouds and Elvis haircuts, the angst of a biting winter gale at eyebrow level they came, only to be dealt the death blow from a rat-like foe who had skedaddled with the cheese a long time ago.”   

“We thought these people built infrastructure but all they do is sit round all day and play cards,” said Oreo Mumblee, an unemployed welder who hasn’t been dealt a fair hand in weeks. “A left bar by any other name is still a left bar.”

Good idea. Let’s end this ridiculous attempt at news writing and adjourn to the romantic Drunken Fern where we can get better acquainted. Bridge anyone? Canasta? How about a tight round of Pinochle? 

Special from The Washington Hangnail

  • Notes on the chaos, which is our gov’ment
  • dba: Syria could use a wall too, Donald.

Maybe Assad will pay for it. This morning ISIS is already beginning to salivate over recent plans for the US military to cut and run, leaving another generation of Kurds to their own devices once again.

And isn’t the epic Gov’ment Shutdown also shutting down Homeland Security? Giving up on a whitewash agency to build a worthless wall. Fear. Maybe the threat of terrorism has been blown out of proportion in order to frighten and control the American population. All based on fear.

Immigrants are not the enemy. Mitch McConnell is enemy! People who think we can solve massive problems of fiscal inequity and over-population with walls are only seeing to the end of their noses. Mindlessness rules!

Good riddance Paul Ryan

The poor boy that attended college on Social Security, then turned around and screwed the weak and disadvantaged. He’s have liked to have done more to punish people for poverty. What a legacy. Will he be able to live on his pension?

Let’s make his life miserable. Ryan’s home address and phone coming to our readers in January. We’re just waiting for the combination to his gun rack before releasing the data. Does Wisconsin have extradition laws? Is self-deportation the wave of the future for Congressmen and Presidents guilty of treason?

Congress passes major energy bill 

The United States Senate passed far-reaching legislation today effectively banning fossil fuels within the borders of the US. Oil pipelines will be dynamited and water pipelines build instead. The price of horses or a bicycle has darted up significantly although fiscal sources say these costs will even out in time. This sweeping legislation represents the first official government business conducted by the sitting body since the Kremlin helped Trump get elected in 2016.

“They’ll be major blowback,” said one author of the new restrictions. “The decisions will not affect just gasoline.”

After the celebration is over consumers may see sharp rise in everything from floor wax to rising lures.

“It’s either change our lives drastically today or burn up tomorrow,” stressed the supporter of the action.

– Zorro DesPlants

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SANTA TO MEET WITH COAL MINES

(Paonia)  Santa Clause is scheduled to meet this week with coal mine executives to hammer out a deal for next year’s Christmas coal.  The demand for the black stuff, which is often used to fill stockings on Christmas Eve, has reached an all time high and has no end in sight so far as anyone can tell.

The head elf says he plans to trade 60 of his finest elves in exchange for  “rock bottom” considerations.

“It’s a great deal for the mines. The elves are tireless workers and eat very little. With toy production at an all time low at the North Pole in January the little buggers are just standing around looking for something to do,” he said. .

Santa claims that many children world-wide are seen being naughty day and night . Pinching, kicking, slapping, punching, throwing fits, stealing, lying, cheating on tests, swearing, breaking things, sassing back, spitting, sneaking out at night, not sharing, feeding the dog under the table, disrespecting elders, defacing public property manufacturing bombs and paraphernalia, and acting like spoiled rotten brats has contributed to the colossal amount of coal needed to send a message this Christmas 2018.     

“Last year I delivered a thousands of sleigh loads of coal and this year I’m estimating upwards of millions,”  frowned Santa.

When asked to elaborate as to the root of the problem with children these days Santa simply sighed and shrugged his shoulders.  “Seems to me that it’s a combination consumerism, not enough sleep, improper diet, lack of discipline, and not enough fresh air.”   

Jolly Old Saint Nick is due to arrive on Thursday. If negotiations go well he will host a lap sitting session for those who missed it in December..

– Lady Jane

Merry Christmas to the people of of Jardin, Antioquia, Colombia

Inspirational art from The Christmas Dream of the Nattering Nabobs by David Mullings, air-brushed acyclic on galvanized steel. Medellin School of Mimes and Tragos.

Fowl –Mouthed Elves Cackling Socialites

Mangy elves, bored and idled by their cheap existence, have become a threat to the season. Armed with signature potty mouths, muscle-bound dwarfs have been crashing Christmas parties under the cloak of official helpers since earlier this month. Now with a termination of most Yuletide duties, the little ruffians arrive in swarming ranks set on trouble.

Authorities fear that the elves will target New Year’s Eve parties where an abundance of alcohol is often served, a formula for potential disaster. Last year local police reported only a few altercations during the evening hours (elves duck well) but arrested some 35 of the little people for delayed-release drunkenness at breakfast spots, the local grocery and in a variety of irrigation ditches on New Year’s Day.