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Empresa de basura servicio de latas hasta la primavera

(Montrose) Una empresa de gestión de residuos desde hace mucho tiempo ha suspendido el servicio aquí hasta la primavera. Citando condiciones más frías que el promedio y el aumento en el robo de identidad de basura, las fuentes de Bella Trash Inc. (anteriormente de Gladstone) dicen que los reclamos de compensación del trabajador y la amenaza de demandas por seguridad han forzado su mano en este asunto.

“Nuestro personal ha llegado tarde o ausente por completo en los días más fríos. ¿Quién podría culparlos? dijo un comunicado de prensa preparado encontrado debajo de una caja de merlot argentino en nuestro encantador pero pretencioso patio de ladrillos esta mañana.

La noticia fue un shock para la Herradura de San Juan, que en una semana genera más desechos orgánicos que Bedrock, Paradox y las Ciudades Gemelas de Nucla y Naturita juntas.

Según las preocupaciones expresadas, los elementos criminales han estado incautando basura y vendiendo datos y direcciones a los abogados a pesar de que dijeron que no lo harían.

La acción no tiene conexión con una fuga controlada de aguas residuales destinada a matar las malas hierbas nocivas antes del verano, según el comunicado.

-Dolores Alegria

Thought for the day

Thought for the day

Selfish Rwandan Eaten by Crockodile

A man in Rwanda who breached the ongoing lockdown to reportedly go fishing has been killed and eaten by a crocodile, the mayor of the southern Kamonyi district has told the BBC.

Alice Kayitesi said the Wednesday morning incident happened in the Nyabarongo river.

“He had broken the stay-home rule, he’s among very few people here who are not co-operating with the lockdown to stop the [corona]virus,” Ms Kayitesi said.

The authorities in Rwanda imposed a total lockdown on Sunday as cases of Covid-19 continued to rise.

The East African nation has confirmed 140 cases so far, the highest in the region.

The shutdown of economic activities in the country has severely affected majority of people who are low-income earners.

-BBC

Contombe in Montevideo

Contombe in Montevideo

Mural depicting Contombe music adds color to a downtown neighborhood in Montevideo, Uruguay

Reasonable Briefs…

Vermouth Trees Endangered

(Hell) Due to the extremely high fire danger down here the only remaining cash crop, the vermouth tree, appears headed for extinction. After months of no rain and infestation at the hands of temperance beetles, the trees are on their last leg with little bark left and even less soul. Experts in the field, unable to save the trees, pointed the finger and made excuses while the people of hell continue to watch their paychecks dwindled down to toothpicks.

“If these sonsabitches catch fire we’ve all had it,” said one of hell’s rangers, formerly employed at the Ridgway Reservoir. “When one mixes these dry conditions with the extreme heat spontaneous combustion may be only a moment away.

Local officials blame the situation as much on last year’s chronic stretch of dry martinis when little of no vermouth was consumed allowing the vermouth trees to produce more olives. The same exact things happened in Iraq in early May effectively shutting down the wineries there and sending Sunni vineyard workers into a tailspin. Does one stay the course with gin or switch policies and embrace vodka?

People here think she’s a no-brainer.

Meanwhile sagebrush poachers continue to strip the Hadesian countryside clean of the fragrant bush which, when combined with vermouth and a little pinch of guilt, is sold upstairs in heaven as an aphrodisiac.

Vatican Warns of Blogging

(Rome) The Vatican today warned its faithful to stay away from the growing practice of blogging. Saying that the habit is immoral and distasteful a leading cardinal threatened excommunication to persons who continue to blog. The Blogging is known to cause blindness and madness according to many in the morality industry.

Gunnison Releases Political Prisoners

JAILED FOR NOT SHOVELING SIDEWALKS

(Alcatraz-on-Tomichi) Hundreds of happy, but exhausted, inmates were released from the Gunnison Country Jail this morning after being incarcerated for weeks without trial. Their crime? Failure to shovel sidewalks in the allotted time.

The powerful city council, originators of the ordinance, finally rescinded its previous decision and allowed the felons to go home for the weekend. They will be back in quart on Monday for final sentencing.

“That gives us time to coordinate release efforts down the road and secure the support of rogue council members,” said an attorney from the Civil Liabilities Union. “The council realizes it abused its power and now members just want to save face.”

What’s really stupid is that merchants along this corridor are swift in their assault on snow-covered sidewalks. Threats by the gov’ment appear to have been totally unnecessary. Conditions inside the calaboose are said to have been quite brutal in that cable TV was turned off and each morning the arresting officers ate all the doughnuts.

“There’s nothing in the Constitution that says I have to shovel snow at a prescribed time,” said Melvin Toole-Hood, a leader of the resistance and militant collector of rare buttons. “Just because we let the council have its own television show they think they can set policy.”

Attorneys for the accused say the matter will likely be thrown out of quart since the habeas corpus has melted.

“It’s just like all them Tarheels running out and buying snow shovels after a northeasterner spilled a little powder down there,” flapped Toole. “Don’t they know it will melt? My advice is to trade in that shovel for a jug of corn squeezins and sit by the pot belly till things return to normal.”

– Dolores Alegria

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