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Do Rios Golf Club – 18 Holes of Summer Heaven

Al, Brian and Dylan welcome you to Dos Rios Golf Club in Gunnison, a beautiful, challenging course on the river. Great people, great food and great weather. Call 970-641-1482 for a tee time.

Guest Ghost Graces Gunnison for Rodeo

(Gunnison) His spirit will move you or at least get you ready for Cattlemen’s Days, July 12 -1 4. Yes, Tom Mix is back again and expected to participate (as much as a ghost can take part) in this year’s rodeo. The revelry has been going on since 1900 and Mix has been stopping in since the early 50s according to local lore (and maybe a bit more).

The PCA contest, held in this pristine Western Colorado town, offers the perfect venue for summer nights. There’s bull riding, bronc riding, barrel racing and an uninvited, yet welcome, guest who comes every year to see what’s going on in Gunnison.

It’s the ghost of cowboy movie star, Tom Mix and his horse Tony, who visits Gunnison each year from the Great Beyond to catch a little rodeo. He says it’s good for the blood and what keeps him coming back for more. Readers will recall Mix as the star of the Westerns in the early days of film. The good guy-bad guy plots and the rough mountain scenery were trademarks of the time and Mix was at the top of an impressive assortment of cowboys, saloon hall girls, gunfighters, sheriffs, chiefs, school marms and outlaws galore. The movie goers couldn’t get enough.

Although it appears Mix has no strict agenda fans might likely get a glimpse of him early in the morning at the site of the former Cattlemen Inn, his favorite local lodging and at lunch at Palisades. Later as the rodeo gets going Tom can be observed in the stands or near the entrance watching the rodeo and smiling. As darkness falls the ghost ventures further and joins in at after-rodeo festivities.

“That’s when he really comes out,” said Maryanne Gillhooley, Gunnison County historian and professor of genetics at Western State University. “People see just a silhouette or get a sniff of his cigar. Sometimes they see him riding Tony out into the dense forest or the massive sage lands.”

-Filliebuster

No title required in World Cup excellence

Big Boxes Want Cut of Beggars’ Take

(Montrose) Chain stories selling everything from boom boxes to burgers want a piece of the action. Everyday the managers of these Orwellian robot bazaars watch rough-looking, often dirty panhandlers pocket coin and currency right there on their font steps.

In small increments these no-overhead ragamuffins beat the carpet for enough to make it worth their while. Who knows what they gather in eight hours. Is it more than minimum wage? Are they legit or are they in costume? Is the veteran getting support? I thought the economy was booming, at least over on Wall Street.

Now the big boys want their cut. The word’s come down from the bullet-proof corporate offices that the stock holders are grumbling about lost revenue and potential profit marginalized by the presence of the distractions on the corner.

“We have expenses too and you are not paying the power bill,” said the night manager at one of 200 fast food franchises that pockmark the south end of the city. “These people are parasites who put in nothing and expect a lot in return. They sit there all days often with their dogs and look hungry and miserable. I bet they go through the dumpsters after I close.”

Meanwhile in front of Wal-Mart, Denny’s, City Market, Home Depot the same ancient alms mantra stretches out a desperate hand. “Homeless-Need Food”, Vet Needs Gas Money” “Single Mom Needs Groceries”. Never used to see any beggars before and nobody had a lot of money then either. What changed?

Whether the multi-nationals will succeed in wringing a few dollars from the tattered trousers of a few unfortunates is yet to be determined. One left-wing politician favors the immediate hiring all of these sullied solicitors at the city and county while a right-wing politician says “petitioning vagabonds” should be removed to a spot out in the desert where people who wanted to give donation could easily visit them.

In 2017 the City of Montrose banned panhandling in Zona Rosa, the glitzy uptown tree-lined blocks set aside for tourists and the wealthy. Since then the under-the-bridge brigade has descended on the culturally significant strip like camp followers or side show curiosities, engaging in the world’s second oldest profession.

Marketing whizzes in several mega-corps, engaged in the heist of the beggar’s gold, have released an overnight campaign aimed at convincing the public that they are really nice and all. Some are paying bonus points to beggars.

Several have promised to give back up to 10% of their profits to feed the homeless. Some are searching for future CEOs amid the rabble and the disenfranchised.

– Susie Compost

“Take Me Out to the Ball Game” relegated to Designated Hitter Status?

We start professional baseball games in the United States with The Star-Spangled Banner, which is certainly appropriate and in many ways showcases our pride as a nation. But what happened to traditional “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” the song that used to grace the Seventh Inning Stretch in most parks. Now it seems that we have embraced another round of robot jingoism with the playing of God Bless America. Where is the separation of church and state…you know from the Constitution and all?

In many stadiums we no longer hear a classic baseball tune vital to our dwindling culture and replace it with a one-dimensional, quasi-religious chant that does not take into account the citizens who don’t buy into the Christian god and may be losing faith in an 3.2 America as well. Are we goose-stepping our way to first base when we should be rounding third on the way to home sweet home?

Mass produced mega-theocracy is not what our deist founders had intended. Mindless jingle patriotism cannot stand up to adversity. A walk is not as good as a hit.

YOUR WEATHER

COLD DAY IN HELL

This Friday’s forecast calls for the metaphorical and proverbial cold day in hell with temperatures projected to plummet to the high 40s by smoky dawn. Already today we have observed people scurrying about trying to cover oaths and promises voiced in relation to the saying and the unlikely shift to cold weather down in quasi-tropical hell.

“It’ll be a cold day in hell when I work for you again,” they would say or “It’ll be a cold day in hell when I invite you to my funeral.”

Technically a negative analogy, statements like the above seek to compare the chances of and encounter with the chances of a phenomenon occurring. In the case of hell that phenomenon has never transpired.

A warming trend is expected by Sunday with highs returning to the more seasonal level of 137 degrees. Light winds are anticipated from Limbo and Purgatory by evening.   

Toupee Warning Extended

A toupee warning is in effect for Ouray, San Miguel, San Juan, Gunnison, Hinsdale, Delta and Montrose Counties through Friday night due to high winds with particularly acute and sticky conditions lingering on in Dolores and Montezuma Counties through the weekend.

The odd caveat is particularly perilous in tree-covered regions above 7000 feet near rocky slopes. Persons in those Region Zen can look forward to high, unpredictable winds that will make wearing toupees, hair pieces, tasteful wigs and even the more flamboyant hats a hazardous endeavor.

Many counties have already seen law enforcement personnel confiscating the artificial tufts due to cutting, vengeful, gusting winds roaring through Edith Bunker National Forest and the skimming the lightly defended Peaks of Cannabis Village Retirement Home. To the south star gazers will be delighted with the night skies as the wind subsides whooshing and whistling, albeit methodically, its disruptive way to the Sea of Cortez..