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Colorado native sons excel in Denver and in San Diego

Three native sons are doing remarkably well in professional baseball and football so far in 2018. Rockies pitcher Kyle Freeland, Broncos running back Phillip Lindsay and Chargers receiver Austin Ekeler have shown that not only can they run with the big boys but they can dominate.

Rockies’ ace, Kyle Freeland, a graduate of Thomas Jefferson High School in Denver, played his college ball at Evansville and was drafted by the Rockies in the first round of the 2014 draft. Since earning his first win against the Dodgers in his Major League debut in April 2017 he has emerged as a force on the young staff. This season his stats are impressive: 15-7 under 3.00 era and a legitimate Cy Young candidate in only his second year in The Bigs. The tall left-hander has gained the respect of his fellow players with his going-about-his-business work ethic. He is a big reason the team is in first place at this writing.

Phillip Lindsay, rookie running back for Broncos, graduated from South High School where he was school’s all-time leading rusher. Then he went to University of Colorado where he set records for yards from scrimmage and all-purpose yards. Despite a serious injury in senior year of high school CU upheld his football scholarship and that altruism paid monster dividends. CU coach Mike MacIntyre called him the Tasmanian Devil due to his remarkable quickness. Phillip was elected team captain his sophomore year and averaged 5 yard per carry at CU.

At 5’ 9” and 190 pounds he was undrafted by the NFL but made the cut with a running-back rich Bronco team. In his first game against the Seahawks he ran between tackles and caught screens, scoring his first passing touchdown to the delight of hometown fans. He is corked energy and explosive drive and is already among the league leaders in rushing and receptions.

Western State Colorado University standout Austin Ekeler now of the Los Angeles Chargers, was born in and went to high school in Eaton, Colorado. Like Lindsay he was an undrafted free agent. Austin is  5’ 10” and 200 pounds worth of tough cookie. He excelled out there in Whizzer White’s backyard. His consistent stats at Western were quite  impressive, leading running backs in all categories junior and senior years.  Average 190 all-purpose yards. 19 touchdowns junior year and 15 senior year plus back-to-back 1500 yards seasons. Like Lindsay he was deemed too small for the NFL but surprise…surprise.

And these days here he is playing pro ball in San Diego. It’s a sure bet he misses the Gunnison winters, heh?

In other sports news: Coloradoans are the least obtuse in the country for the 18th year running. Blunt and sometimes difficult, the Rocky Mountain residents here set the standard for the rest of the nation. Colorado – Be proud or get out.


Trump International Victim of Sink Hole

(Chicago) The Trump International Hotel and Tower was destroyed this morning after being gobbled up by a rogue sinkhole followed by relentless assaults of hail. As residents fled, the remnants of the building were washed away by a flash flood compliments of an angry Lake Michigan. Miraculously, adjacent properties were unharmed by the violent weather pattern. This is the first time in recorded weather history that these natural disasters have hit simultaneously in a microclimate. A spokesman for the White House blamed Obama for the incident.

Colorado beats Nebraska in Lincoln!

This could be the start of a wonderful football season. Watch out PAC-12

Chiefs Chargers, Even Raiders Picked to Finish Ahead of Broncos

As usual the jock-inspired TV whizzes have picked our boys to finish last in the AFC West again in 2018. But here is a second opinion, a very specific projection of the 2018 season written September 6. Keep for handy reference or file under “disrespect continues” and the next time you engage in an intimate correspondence with remind them that we have a baseball team in Denver…Yes, right there in the National League and all.

SEAHAWKS – Opening game in Colorado marred by rain. Wilson gets to know Chubb. Seattle backs reacquaint themselves with Miller. Methodical victories are still victories when the clock runs out. Broncos 24 -10

RAIDERS – Keenan Coming Out Party. He throws for 4 touchdowns. Ex-Raider Marquette King pins his former team within their own 5 yard line four different times. Broncos defense dominates 36 – 7

RAVENS – Bad boys meet bad men. Broncos travel for one of those terrible 11 am game on the East Coast but walk away with victory 17-10. Royce Freeman runs for 100 yards. Kyle Haley records 25 tackles.

CHIEFS– KC picked but gets picked by the likes of Josey Jewel (2), Bradley Roby and Chris Harris Jr. I wonder where that guy Smith is today. Denver 27 – 13

JETS – In the Big Apple this “breather game” almost gets out of hand. Two returns by Phillip Lindsay (one punt and one kickoff in the 4th) save the day for Denver 24 – 17.

RAMS – Perhaps the toughest team on the schedule. 20 inches of snow on Saturday helps the Bronco cause if not the congestion around whatever they are calling the stadium this year. This pivotal victory redefines the season, making the 5- 0 Broncos 6-0 and making believers out of everyone in the Rockies. Denver 12 Rams 10.

CARDINALS – This Thursday matchup unveils a stunning aerial show with a slew of play-action grinders, sideline ballet and runs up the gut. Chad Kelly starts for ailing Case Keenum (food poisoning on Colfax) and throws for 600 yards. Is he the franchise in franchise?

CHIEFS – At Arrowhead where we must endure that idiot chopping chant. Despite the pressures of 7-0 the Broncos start hitting right off the bus and demolish the KC team 45 – 10. Devonte Booker runs for 200 years. Chad Kelly throws for 450. Betsy DeVos reportedly in the stands but to the chagrin of dwindling support base is wearing institutional green, presumably in support of food poisonings on Colfax.

TEXANS  – Formidable team visits Denver. Jake Butts shows everyone why he is so highly rated catching two TD passes from Case Keenum. Late in the game he recovers an on-side kick attempt season the game for the Broncos 24 – 7. Defense allows less than 100 yards passing and rushing.

CHARGERS – Southern California after a bye week watches as the Broncos dismantle the highly rated San Diego defense while stifling the Charger offense with 5 turnovers in the first half. Emanuel Sanders and Demaryius Thomas put on a clinic catching a combined 18 passes in the 42 – 6 “upset”.

STEELERS – This much anticipated match pits the best two teams in the AFC in Denver. Big Ben knocked out in first quarter. Denver turns the tables on Pittsburgh with the blitz and the Denver offensive line controls the scrimmage points. Until the Play-offs then…

BENGALS – Away games in December have been an issue before but not in the Queen City. Von Miller records three sacks and Derek Wolfe creates and recovers a fumble on the Bengal 3. Bradley Roby makes an interception to seal this close one. Denver 31 Cincinnati 24.

49ERS – Surprisingly improved but still a few players short the 49ers lead the entire game only to be beat by a 94-yard punt return with 20 seconds to go. Broncos 20- 14. A perfectly executed block at the 10-yards line by fullback Andy Janovich springs Lindsay who races up the sideline to the end zone.

BROWNS – They must have improved since last week. The Broncos score 28 in the first half with Case Keenum then bring in Chad Kelly who throws for 3 more scores in the second half just because he can. NFL considers limiting the number of Irish quarterbacks on each team in 2019. Courland Sutton crosses the goal line twice with a loaf of brown bread from the two play callers.

RAIDERS – Ah, Christmas Eve with our friends in Black and Silver. Despite all the wanna be circus entertainers in the stands the play on the field is outstanding. Could the Broncos lose one? No, Denver prevails on a fluke safety and a recovered on-side kick that sets up a meaningless last second field goal. Broncos survive 18 – 14. They are now 15 – 0.

CHARGERS – Despite sitting many starting players, both of these play-off bound crews exchange touchdowns at a high-scoring tempo. Keenum throws for nearly 700 years while the starters prepare for post season. Broncos go 16 – 0 with this ridiculous 56 – 42 win.

If you disagree with these projections please move to another state. (New Mexico, Wyoming, Western Kansas, Utah and Nebraska don’t count).


Denver knocks off Pittsburgh 21-14 and New England 36 – 10 to advance to the Super Bowl where they meet and defeat the New Orleans Saints by a touchdown.

– Kashmir Horseshoe

Scribe busted for reading to homeless

(Fort Palm, FL)  Editor Emeritus, Polly Parvenu, has been arrested and charged with reading to the homeless in this swank plastic land on the ocean. She had been accused of breaking a host of rigid ordinances, aimed at diminishing the homeless population in the region.

Parvenu says she is only doing good by reaching out homeless people and invited all to persons of integrity to help those who are less advantaged,

The longtime journalist has pleaded guilty to giving out hot paragraphs, high protein sentences, bowls of adjectives and cans of dangling participles to the needy this fall.

Despite ordinances the prohibit this kind of brotherly love she has pledged to continue the literary social service as soon as the cops let her go.

“We have restrictions in place not because we are mean, insensitive, greedy, xenophobic, racist, unhappy, resentful, frightened, suspicious, angry people but simply because we don’t want to be overrun by vagabonds during the winter months,” said a chamber of comments source. “That is our high season and we want to show a calm, collect, affluent and pseudo-tropical face. The last thing we need is needy people on the beach.”

Parvenu insists that sharing knowledge has never been against the law and that the transient population here will not rise or fall because of a few story hours. She adds that stories give many of these people a respite from the horrors of poverty.

“It’s becoming a crime to be poor in this country,” said Parvenu. “I want to see to it that it’s a crime to embrace ignorance.”

If convicted Parvenu will served 30 days in the library rather than pay a fine.

-Kashmir Horseshoe

“Poor Ash Judd…caught up with the Texans and climbed with them yet another snake fence. He saw woods fair ahead. There were such storms of balls emanating from those woods that Ash could could just about see them in the air like insects.”

– from The Confederates by Thomas Keneally

Colorado rescinds mandatory dog ownership

“It’s OK not to have a dog.”

(Crested Butte) The state of Colorado has overturned a decades-long ruling with a sticky provision that had required each new mountain resident to acquire a dog upon arrival to the specific town. The revocation frees residents from canine stipulations and allows for a dog-free household depending on human preferences, needs and capabilities.

The old law, that states clearly that all mountain town residents be required to “own” a dog, was seen by many as a dinosaur that needed to be put to rest. Progressives and conservatives have called the focus on new occupants unconstitutional.

“The law first emerged when there were only a few people around,” said one old timer. “We needed dogs to guard against bear and mountain lions and lord only knows what else is out in these woods. Now there are far too many. Now we have draconian leash laws that make a mockery of running free in the wilds.”

The legislation, which goes into affect in 2019, did not undress the irresponsibility of humans, pooper scooping, dogs-at-large or the price of pet food at the local market.

“What a relief,” said one dog owner. “Now people in mountain towns can choose whether they want a dog or not. It’s OK not to have a dog. It doesn’t mean you are insensitive or not tuned into our mute friends. You can still have dogs that are your friends without the closer relationships brought on by such social arrangements as dependence, co-habitation and dramas with cats (if there is one on premises).”

Most people here in the upper Gunnison Valley say the new law will not affect them since they have a dog and everyone seems pretty happy with the day to day exchanges between human and canine. Many feel dogs will enjoy more freedom if there are fewer living here.

– Kashmir Horseshoe