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NRA Convention Carnage Told

(Blandson MO) Members of the National Rifle Association opened fire on each other yesterday during a rally aimed at new membership. Authorities were hesitant to estimate the casualties saying only that they are still counting.

No one knows how a simple argument over the charter of the group mushroomed into violence. Regional differences and the easy access to assault weapons are blamed for the shootings at press time. Members were sitting in very vulnerable circular seating when someone opened up. Response was quick and misdirected leaving the pro-weapons lobby crippled and disoriented.

Ironically enough, stricter background checks might have prevented the tragedy.

– Susie Compost

Young men of Ireland beware:

HEN PARTIES

are conducted & tolerated

in your townlands and parishes

Please stay in the pub

until further clarity

has been established on

these rambunctious activities

& disorderly encounters

occurring after a decent hour.

  Clonakilty Council on Public Safety

SPEAKER TO SPEAK

(Warshington UPS) House Speaker Nancy Pelosi will speak before the combined House of Representatives on Thursday. She is expected to address immigration issues, climate change, Wall Street and the aggressive foreign policies of the white House.

Pelosi told reporters that it was time to clear the air and reach out to the other side of the aisle.

“Since I am the Speaker I feel it is my sworn duty to speak,” said the highest-ranking female elected official in the history of the United States. “The problem is that I am either preaching to the choir or talking to a wall,” she said in reference to the partisan politics that plague the capitol.

Pelosi is expected to criticize the “inhuman practices conducted by the present administration at the borders” as well as “the profits of climate change denial” and white-collar corruption.

The Democrats have no public agenda on these issues that is known at this time. Many inside the party are scrambling for a voice or even a slogan to further enhance defeating Trump in 2020. Right now it is all anti-Trump, minus solutions.

Despite ascertains that she represents the average American the Congresswoman’s net worth was over $30 million in 2017.

In a related development FOX News has secured the exclusive rights to broadcast the 2020 Presidential Elections. The network will dissect the contest 24 hours per day starting in September. It is the first time a television network has taken on such a gargantuan task; especially considering the fact that many FOX celebrities hold positions in the Trump Administration.

– Susie Compost

“Podran cortar todas las flores, pero no podrán detener la primavera”

– Pablo Neruda

Yet another delightful Irish village

Castletownsend in West Cork is quietly tucked away near the sea and the green

Feds to undress cartoon exploitation

In an attempt to relieve the ongoing exploitation of cartoon characters in this country Congress has approved a bill that would house victims and punish perpetrators.

Over the years the relationship between cartoons and people has deteriorated with even famous cartoon greats feeling disillusioned and without hope. It is feared that without protection many will follow the all too familiar path into the gutter or escape through animated drugs and alcohol. Bad treatment comes not only from humans but, as often the case, from other cartoons as well.

Personalities such as Wiley Coyote, Elmer Fudd and even Donald Duck were cited as classic casualties of such immoral practices. One lawmaker added (to paraphrase) that less notable cartoons are duped daily with many playing the part of fall guy to humans who, in most cases, are less than their intellectual equals.

“What happens in our existing system should make us all ashamed,” said Anne I. Mate, a longtime advocate for cartoon rights.

“Cartoons are expected to work long hours in wretched conditions without pay. On some sets the characters don’t even get a lunch break or a glass of water when they are thirsty. Something must be done and done right now.”

Mate added that civilized nations have laws already in place to protect cartoons from manipulation by the corporate structure. In France, for instance, it is illegal to work cartoons more than 40 hours per week while in Germany and Switzerland employers must provide housing and a clothing stipend for any legal cartoon. In New Zealand cartoon characters appearing on Saturday morning prime time must be given Sunday and Monday off so as to recuperate.

“These benefits are only fair, especially when one considers the often dangerous working conditions faced by the average animated performer,” said Mate. “Many cartoons fall off cliffs, are hit with flying objects and are blown to pieces with dynamite or other explosives. Let’s face it: These characters deserve just compensation at least for surviving loved ones.”

Mate went on to say that if the situation is not remedied we may see shortages of cartoons in the future and that many will seek employment in other areas such as real estate, massage therapy and government.

Whether or not the new legislation would affect the status of television news personnel was not clear at press time.

– Kashmir Horseshoe

“I have wielded a blood-stained sword and howling spear. The bird of carrion followed me when the Vikings pressed forth.” – from Fin Gall by James Nelson.

Fishing boat Castletownbere, West Cork

Flounder, pollack, mackerel, hake, garfish, scallops, crab, lobster, mussels, bass and clams—all fresh and on the table moments after the fishermen come in.