(Howardsville) Visitors to Western Colorado are reminded to check their car alarms with the local magistrate before entering downtown areas. Adherence to this law is easy and fun!

Just pull over at any one of the many checkpoints and leave your car alarm there. Although some people find the regulation somewhat inconvenient, simple compliance will ensure the safety of everyone.

“The days where everyone waltzed around our towns with a car alarm on his hip are over,” said one deputy. “We’re civilized now and the boom and bust Wild West has been tempered. We’ve got leash laws, parking meters, zoning laws, speed limits, and noise ordinances. Nobody wants to be confronted by some trigger-happy drifter anxious to show off his car alarm.”

Since the law went into effect in June, car alarm noise has all but disappeared from the dusty streets. Locals have returned to the primitive practice of leaving their keys in the ignition. Kids steal hubcaps. Sheep graze happily on Elysian ridges. All is one.

Persons failing to comply with this law face arrest and subjection to hours of badly recorded heavy metal music. Further resistance will be dealt with harshly with offending motorists ostracized and facing feudal banishment.

– Rocky Flats

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