BIGFOOT, MISSING LINK CHECK IN FOR FALL

Bigfoot, (aka Yetti, Sasquatch,Loup-garou, Ucumar, Hoodoo, Grass Man, Yowi, Boggy Bill and Bad Smelling Tree Man) who has been vacationing in Miami since May, is expected back in Western Colorado by November.

“He’ll pop in after all these people go home,” said an unconfirmed source in the Everglades.

A large, suspicious looking  creature, believed to be Bigfoot, was recently sighted near Almont on Friday

He’s frightened by fires and traffic.”

A Welcome Home Bigfoot celebration will be held in conjunction with the November Trout Are Us Banquet at Mañana Electric Shaver Square on November 6. (Held indoors unless in rains). Let’s hope the cookies and milk left out by the Salivation Army do the trick and he shows up.

Legend has it that Bigfoot had been spending his winters in the West Elk Wilderness and has been spotted wandering along Kebler Pass and as far south as Baldwin. Whether a surviving Neanderthal, an ape-man or simply a seven-foot-tall skinny dude that needs a bath and a shave, Bigfoot commands quite a presence.

Bigfoot sighting exactly two seconds before photographer was reunited with camera. “That boy is quicker than a fox if only half as smart.”

In a related piece local police say they are days away from cornering the Missing Link who has been on the lamb since 1969. “The Link” as his cult followers call him, is wanted in connection with genetic sacrilege and species diversion in four states.

In addition there are a bounty of county warrants accusing The Link of rigid transparency, conjured up simplemindedness and of aggravated evasion concerning issues such as origin and eternity.

He is also wanted in Grand Junction for loitering.

-Estelle Marmotbreath

“We are definitely alone out there, orbiting our chosen star like an onion bagel in the vast Universe.”

– Abe Salmon, Famous Ridgway Loxsmith

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