RSSAuthor Archive for Walter 1915

Can robots be racist?

A recent incident at a Philly Starbucks where two Black patrons were arrested for trespassing (while sitting at a table waiting for a third friend to arrive), showcases a corporate mentality based on fear, phoniness and expedience. This soulless infrastructure creates paranoid and programmed behavior among the Kool-Aid sucking minions of entwined in its caffein empire.

Starbucks has stolen a piece of Americana as it builds more stores and drives smaller competitors from the marketplace. This company has intruded into a wonderful ritual of slamming coffee with friends in the morning. It has substituted plastic stir sticks and litter cups for civilized utensils, porcelain and heart.  Are their coffee beans grown in China?

Companies like Starbucks have snuffed out the cultural aspects of the corner cafe and the crucial socialization that goes with it. Diversity is the enemy of market control. Starbucks has replaced it with a synthetic experience when the nation needs a sugar bowl full of culture.

The robot manager of the mega-corp coffee pusher was no doubt a perfect example of a another loyal employee ascending up the ladder: He’s got that Starbucks glow! They didn’t even fire him, which is a surprise considering he benefits of applied scapegoatism. They moved him to another of their countless burnt coffee outlets. By doing so Starbucks condones his corporate-racist behavior.

Is he now presiding over costly cups of coffee in a white neighborhood where other robots sip each day looking for the last remnants of social interaction in a country that sold its soul for a swindled latte?

The mindless manager is the poster child for Starbucks and all corporate intrusion into our lives. The fact that this troll has exhibited racist behavior is no surprise given his status and standing. In the City of Brotherly Love we really don’t want the brothers in our nicer neighborhoods anyway.

Boycott Starbucks? You should have been avoiding the place from the start due to the mass marketed, mass produced and the mass flocking of the sheep. One incident does not define an entity. The business of selling coffee to trademark junkies and people who need some banner to follow is the real problem. It’s one that our kids will have to deal with when they grasp for threads of humanity left in our society.

In America, racism is eating us up and corporate power is spitting us out.

Colorado Moves to Restrict Bozos

The Colorado senate today passed a restrictive bill aimed at controlling the flow of bozos all across the state. This includes residents and travelers who might be harassed and could be deprived of certain privileges due to suspicious or alien bozo classification.

Bozos apprehended at higher elevations will receive the same treatment as those corralled in lower zones. Stinking Desert occupancies will be treated with non-sanctuary status. Bozos found in caves will be incarcerated upon contact.

Utah chimed in too: “We don’t know who and what they are but we damn sure don’t want them here,” said a County coroner familiar with these developments.

All the way with the EPA

And now we have a former coal lobbyist poised to takeover the reigns at the Environmental Protection Agency. The above photo is of New York City prior to EPA restrictions being imposed. Lowering pollution standards nets bad air as this color photo shows. Destroying the planet can be profitable, heh?

Depressants Hailed as Miracle Drug

(Trenchtown) The ever-vigil pharmaceutical industry has taken aim at counteracting the affects of too often employed anti-depressant drug therapy. A breakthrough pill, dubbed the depressant, has been heralded as the antidote for people who are getting too high, and feeling too good on anti-depressant medications.

Considering the high percentage of people currently ingesting happy pills, the depressant formula should provide a stopgap remedy for false happiness. It also represents major profits for the manufacturer.

A stark black capsule, aimed at neutralizing the effects of the first medication would replace the bright, shiny blue or yellow anti-depressant pill. Experts say the benefits could be seen immediately.

Research on the depressant has been ongoing due to the increase in anti-depressant use and the perceived need to bring the patient back to normal before real therapy can run its course. It has been conducted in secret so as not to alarm the pill popping public.

“In 90% of our test cases we have found that the new drug works great,” said one researcher. “How can we expect people to achieve true happiness when they are popping attitude adjustment bombers every day? After a few weeks they have lost all that is instinctual. They don’t know how to react to the positives and negatives of daily life.”

One source told The Horseshoe that a pill to create temporary normalization had not been approved but was available various different colored markets, including the popular black one.

An industry spokesman said the long-awaited anti-addiction pill, aimed at helping people get off medications, alcohol, television, sugar, tobacco, caffein and government is still in the works.

“We want to develop a daily popper to help our clients come down or go up depending on what drug has been prescribed,” she said. “Then we can begin the entire process again for the next batch of those who suffer from either malady. We have mastered the mood alteration technology. Now it’s just a matter of watching how it stacks up against the ledger sheet.”

– Alfalfa Romero


Malcolm Lowry

Late of the Bowery

His prose was flowery

and often glowery.

He lived nightly, and drank daily

And died playing the ukelele.

                           – Malcolm Lowry, Epitaph

IRS Offering Ribs in Lieu of Refunds

(Ogden, UT) The Internal Revenue Service, in an apparent attempt to relieve the personal debt ceilings, has instituted a flagship program which offers taxpayers baby-back pork ribs instead of refunds.

The ribs, available only to persons who have earned a tax refund will be sent out just like other correspondence from the Treasury Department, arriving late, and probably cold. Already jokes about pork barrel politics and pigs at the trough are circulating major government centers. Earned income credit cannot be applied in a piggyback fashion as it has in other years.

“Recent tax cuts for the wealthy dictate that we too must cut back when it comes to refunding moneys,” said Shirley Turnip of the IRS.

Persons interested in receiving the food should fill out one of the Ribs Instead of Refunds forms available right next to Selective Service questionnaires at local post offices. Respondents must clearly state whether they prefer sauce or dry-cooked ribs, how they like them done and if they prefer potato salad to cole slaw.

“Once we get the fire going it will be too late for substitutions,” said Turnip.

Meanwhile the IRS has filed a final decision as to the status of sun worshipers residing in this country, saying that since the practice is not recognized as a legitimate religion and therefore these parties must file taxes in accordance with the existing laws.

“A few hunhred scrawls o’ chaps with a couple o’ guns and Rosary beads, again’ a hunhred thousand thrained men with horse, fut an’ artillery…and he wants us to fight fair!”

– Sean O’Casey in The Plow and the Star (1926)


Traditionalists Yolked Over Alleged Cover-Up

(Montrose) More than a two weeks after a massive search and seizure operation nationwide, many Easter eggs remain missing. This chilling information has surfaced amid an official gov’ment position that all of the brightly colored eggs have been located and are in custody at press time.

Of the more than 4.3 billion eggs estimated to have been hidden in the United States alone on Saturday, April 19, an impressive 4 billion have been recovered, mostly by small children, leaving roughly 3 million listed as missing in action. Gov’ment sources would neither confirm or deny details gathered and placed at their feet. None would return phone calls as of the weekend.

“What we have here is an attempted cover-up, an evil game of hide and seek,” said citizen’s advocate Bertie Libb, known more for her rosy red hair and bottle blonde complexion than for her ability to count. “Despite vacancies at all levels we will continue to embrace the Bill of Rights.”

That document, one of the American artifacts falling victim to Patriot Act looters of late, has been attributed to the stinging pen of the Easter Bunny, a known meglo-maniac and member of the Rhode Island Communist Party. He is reportedly being held in a black and white room at the Guantanamo Gulag awaiting trial on charges of treason and littering.

“He tried to vote for Al Gore in 2000,” said a former supporter who now heads up the Pea Green Homeland Security Agency “Terrorism comes in all shapes and colors. We must be ready to defend our freedoms and kill people who disagree with us.”

Gov’ment officials prefer to use the term undetermined when dealing with eggs, as well as collateral civilian battlefield casualties, because more and more Americans don’t care and cannot do simple math.

“Why hit them with staggering figures on the evening news and ruin their supper,” said one of the President’s college buddies, now Ambassador to Kuwait. “Undetermined is a softer, more gentle approach to calculations that will only be forgotten when tangled up with the real life interaction common to the evening’s popular sit-coms.

Critics of the Easter Egg hunt say it’s just an attempt to divert the nation from a top-heavy, crumbling economy.

“Accusations that the Easter Bunny has links to rodent groups is poppycock,” said Libb. “Sure he dated Yassar Arafat’s younger sister but that doesn’t dictate his politics. It’s the whistle blowing over Enron scandals that has gotten his cotton tail in hock. By the time he gets out of jail he’ll be one old rabbit.”

Security forces have promised to kick down doors from California to Maine in search of the missing eggs.

In a related piece the entire Democratic wing of the United States Congress has also been reported missing since the War on Terror was stepped up following the 9/11 attacks. According to surviving pages in the Senate, the Democrats are keeping their collective heads down so as to avoid fall-out from manufactured public opinion and claims of glorious victories over world terrorism.

– Kashmir Horseshoe

“It will be a war between the elephant and the tiger. If the tiger ever stands still the elephant will crush him with his mighty tusks. But the tiger does not stand still. He lurks in the jungle by day and emerges only at night. He will leap upon the back of the elephant  tearing large chunks from its side and then he will leap back into the deep, dark jungle. Then slowly, the elephant will bleed to death. That will be the war in Indo-China.”

– Ho Chi Minh to American journalist, David Shoenbrun, September 11, 1946.