—Apology—

The San Juan Horseshoe Semi-annual Fly Swatting Seminar has been officially rained out and rescheduled for mid-October. Baiting, although considered extreme and crude by most professional swatters, will be permitted due to weather and time constraints. Rolled up newsprint, umbrellas and zappers are not acceptable and restricted from the premises at all times during the competition.

Interested participants should register by mail and remember to bring a big ball of water to be placed at the door, fly clothes, wing files, steel shoes, ear plugs, gauze head gear, face mask, dissection paraphernalia and plenty of drinking water.

Action at the 2017 event

“Nobody expects players to sprout eyes in the back of their heads but they must be aware and ready to retreat at the slightest movements,’ said head fly terminators. “We are interested in style and delivery, not body counts and messy backhands.”

As usual, no perfume wearers or smokers will be admitted. Dogs and alcohol are fine. The seminar will conclude with information on group hunts, organic interface, canning and taxidermy. An impressive display of different swatter models on the market for 2019 is also slated for afternoon sessions all week.

Tourist Tip # 611: Don’t you dare miss the daily Changing of the Flies at the Wimpton Landfill. It is listed as #4 in Things To Do Outside for the summer.

—Apology—

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion

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