Animal Advocates Up In Arms Over Llamas As Caddies

(Ridgway UPS) Members of the Colorado Butane Society and the ASPCACA are planning a demonstration to protest the use of llamas as caddies at a nearby golf course. The groups will stage a sit-in on Highway 62 on Saturday mornings during tourist season, Tuesday evenings during moose season and both Saturdays and Tuesdays during combined owl season. Coffee and brownies will be served.

“Imagine, if you will,” said Honey Melborne, of the highly flammable Butane group, “innocent llamas being forced to carry golf clubs around with only a drink of water and some oats for their trouble. It’s unfair! We abolished slavery in 1863!”

An unreliable source at a Cedaredge pro shop told the Horseshoe that a visibly disoriented Melborne got on the wrong bus in Boulder, back in June, headed west and has been hanging around Delta since then.

“The woman is nuts,” he said demanding animosity. “The llamas really enjoy their new chores here. Why do these people want to ruin it for them anyway?”

Melborne, who claims she is perfectly sane, says her group will keep up the pressure until they liberate the llamas.

“It’s bad enough the town allows llamas to tend bar and sell real estate,” she countered, “but the blatant use of llamas as pack animals is a crime against nature.”        – Kashmir Horseshoe

Did you know…

“Gunnison was named after some drunk that abused the natives. Meeker was named after a twisted preacher who attempted to convert the Utes to the ways of the white man. Olathe was named after a town in Kansas after Chief Colorow fell from favor with the honkies. This is pathetic enough, but when one considers that Montrose was named after a minor character in a Sir Walter Raleigh novel the dirty laundry emerges. How could people be so lethargic what with all the great politicians and country & western celebrities to choose from.”

– Small Mouth Bess, in her book Misunderstood Small Towns of the American West

“If you don’t go to their funeral they won’t come to yours.”

      -Yogi Berra

Filed Under: Reflections on Disorder


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