After Hours Party Poised for Primaries

The newly extracted After Hours Party is expected to make an immediate dent in the ancient and exhausted partisan system of yore. Following the premise that nobody really agrees with anyone else ever, the constituted group plans to present a transparent platform full of trap doors, false fronts and vaulted ceilings.

“It’s politics without a net,” said Evelyn Marmotbreath, who along with everyone else in the fringe group is a frontrunner for the Presidential nomination. The kickoff convention, (slated to take place in Puerto Rico during hurricane season), will find it difficult to come to any viable decision in time for the November election, but we’ll have straw hats, signs, uncomfortable metal chairs and a bit of drunkenness anyway.”

It is feared that radical factions herein will attempt to take over the gov’ment since no one else knows how to feed and water it.

“We should to do well in swing states,” said Marmotbreath, candidate for parks and recreation director on the Caribbean island. “Sure there will be slides, teeter-tottering and merry-go-rounds but in the final accounting we should find ourselves firmly entrenched in the sandbox.”

When asked about rumors that Ward Cleaver was poised for a comeback Marmotbreath spat.

“His message is too conservative and most of the younger voters know him only from Nick at Night,” she said. “Besides his misogynous base is peppered with questionable input from people named Wally, Lumpy, Eddie and Beaver. June barely counts. What does she do all day anyway? Is Ward a Roosevelt Democrat or a Harding Republican? There are a plethora of unanswered question here.”

Many in he After Hours Party have loudly rejected Cleaver as a potential running mate for everyone else, fearing that his tie-to-dinner manifesto will petrify the pierced and terrify the tattooed. In addition most fear that, in a close election, he will undoubtedly rely on his own unsolicited advice.

“If, as a nation, we would start spending money helping people instead of hurting them, our international conflicts would begin to evaporate. Of course, positive results would not occur overnight so our electorate would not be inclined to support policies that would come to fruition only after their reign and thus not benefit their political careers at the present time.”

– Gabby Haze, political analyst and slave to the barometer.

Filed Under: Soft News


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