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Dear Friends:

You are personally invited to say “yes” to our new Pre-Approved Reader status at The San Juan Horseshoe. We are delighted to count you among the thoughtful perusers that have been selected to join this discriminating group and to offer you the services, benefits and prestige of this station…and you don’t have to pay an annual fee.

Unless otherwise stated YOUR PRE-APPROVED CREDIT LINE IS 250,000 WORDS! You’ll not only have this generous word credit line working for you but you’ll receive all sorts of valuable trinkets and dubious offers that will set you apart from the herd.

Just complete and sign the included certificate, send a lock of your hair and a pint of blood. Be especially certain to complete the section on sexual preference and carefully list all past problems with authority since the 5th grade. IT’S THAT SIMPLE!

We’re sure that this offer to read up to 250,000 words is an exceptional one! Pre-Approved credit and no annual fee make it a no-brainer. In short, we always remember the real reason bright, frugal people like you read the www.sanjuanhorseshoe.com because it’s free!

Be sure to place silver-colored seal in the appropriate spot in the top right-handed left corner designated box on the flip side of this postage-due form between now and midnight tonight! Failure to perform this step to our satisfaction could preclude you and your loved ones from our offer based on genetic complacency.

Caution: Misuse of readership privileges will result in harassment and potential death at the hands of impersonal robots employed as collection agents. We want to be your friend as long as you cough up your minimum payment. Attempts to speak to someone on a human level may result in dangerous exposure to taped messages and liens against your property.

We urge you to RSVP today before this once-in-a-lifetime invitation is no more.

No annual fee offer expires at midnight!

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Filed Under: Featured Peeks

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