Administrative SNUFU Leaves Thousands Excommunicated

(Rome) A simple computer glitch has left tens of thousands of Roman Catholics in a bureaucratic purgatory this morning with little hope of sorting things out before the Easter holiday. As of this morning they remain excommunicated, or severed from their church.

Apparently someone high up in the Vatican gave the go ahead to delete over 70,000 of the faithful from what was wrongly designated as a “fallen away” list. The move has caused great confusion and anger leaving many with questions about eternal salvation and access to sacred rituals.

“We can’t explain what happened but we’ll sort it out before Holy Week gets into full swing,” said a Vatican treasury official. “Those affected should not worry. Despite the temporary status as the damned they will be reinstated quickly and painlessly.

Church officials publicly played down the possibility of enacting another Spanish Inquisition while privately expressing concern as to the impact on collections and tithing as many have lost trust in the ancient religious hierarchy.

“If we survived the sex scandals of late we’ll be alright,” said the Archbishop of Styx. “One has to realize how frightened people are of the Great Beyond. We simply need to remind them of the fires that await them if they dare to detour from our teachings. They will forgive us our sins as we forgive theirs,” he smiled.

– Saul Tarsus

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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